Michael Fabricant heads for the Big Brother house

Nigel Farage’s turn in I’m A Celebrity in 2023 was attributed by some PR bigwigs for his successful return to the political fray, despite the little screen time he commanded being spent moaning about not being able to dress as a Mexican any more, claiming Brexit as a success due to a nuclear submarine deal with Australia and joking about the small size of his own penis.

So it’s little wonder that another hapless Brexiteer – the former Conservative MP Michael Fabricant, unceremoniously ditched by his Lichfield constituents last year – is heading for the world of reality TV, having apparently signed up for ITV’s Celebrity Big Brother.

Fabricant, whose 32 years in Parliament saw him not mount even the lowliest rung of the ministerial ladder, is reported to be joining the likes of Chris Hughes (no idea), Ella Rae Wise (who?), Donna Preston (nope) and JoJo Siwa (seriously, who?) in the house for the new series which begins next week.

“We wanted a top politician but one with enormous personality which would entertain the viewers,” a ‘source’ tells the Daily Mail. But they have apparently ended up with Fabricant instead.

And what a character! Whether it’s displaying an apartheid-era flag of South Africa on the mantelpiece of his parliamentary office, defending Boris Johnson over Partygate by claiming that most nurses and teachers during the pandemic “go back to the staff room and have a quiet drink”, sharing a tweet depicting London mayor Sadiq Khan having sex with a pig or calling a teenage constituent a “complete twat”, show bosses will hope Fabricant will bring the lols.

But at least one mystery might be cleared up. At some point, Fabricant will have to sleep or shower. Will we finally find out what’s going on with those ludicrous locks?