Kemi Badenoch and the mysterious childhood memories

With Kemi Badenoch winning the Tory party leadership, Conservative fanboys and girls have been avidly sharing her maiden Commons speech, in which she talked poignantly of growing up under a socialist dystopia in Nigeria.

“Growing up in Nigeria I saw real poverty – I experienced it, including living without electricity and doing my homework by candlelight, because the state electricity board could not provide power, and fetching water in heavy, rusty buckets from a borehole a mile away, because the nationalised water company could not get water out of the taps,” she told the chamber. “Unlike many colleagues born since 1980, I was unlucky enough to live under socialist policies.”

Poignant stuff alright – and only slightly ruined by the fact that Badenoch, er, did not live under socialist policies. As Professor David Andress pointed out on Twitter/X this weekend, the Nigeria Badenoch grew up in experienced military coups in 1983 and 1985, eight subsequent years of neoliberal dictatorship and a policy of ‘Mass Mobilization for Self Reliance, Social Justice and Economic Recovery’ with levels of deregulation and privatisation which would have made even her hero Margaret Thatcher’s eyes water. Still, details, eh!

Lee Anderson, a GB News presenter with a side-hustle as Member of Parliament for Ashfield, has another sideline – as a fragrance influencer!

“I keep getting asked about my aftershave,” he wrote on Facebook, in a sentence few had on their 2024 bingo list. “Well here it is and I get it from this brilliant shop in the Indoor Market in Sutton. Attention ladies – an ideal Christmas present for your fella.”

The picture was of a bottle of Active Man from the suspiciously French-named Yodeyma Paris, whose website says the scent is “tailored for the active man who embraces adventure and radiates optimism. Our fragrance captures the essence of the modern man, leaving a lasting impression on all who encounter him.”

Anderson certainly does that – but perhaps not in the way the cheapo perfume peddlers would like!

The political circumstances of her upbringing are not the only thing Kemi Badenoch has unfortunately misremembered. In the ITV Conservative leadership debate of 2022 she told the audience: “I know what it’s like flipping burgers at 16, on minimum wage, and then watching my pay slip away to taxes.”

Badenoch was born in 1980. There was no minimum wage until after the National Minimum Wage Act 1998. In 1999 the first rate was set at £3.60 an hour, but this was for adults aged over 22. Still, details etc…

Robert Jenrick’s defeat in the Conservative leadership contest must have been pretty devastating for his wife, Michal Berkner, who reacted to Kemi Badenoch’s victory with José Mourinho-like grace. She is said to refer to herself privately as “the First Lady”.

“Britain is heading for oblivion, ruined by Labour’s greed, malice and stupidity”

The Telegraph’s Allister Heath reacts to Rachel Reeves’ Budget, October 30, 2024

“Kwasi Kwarteng’s Budget is a moment in history that will radically transform Britain”

The Telegraph’s Allister Heath reacts to Kwasi Kwarteng’s mini-budget, September 23, 2022

We’re not suggesting that Conservative members – who decided that Boris Johnson, then Liz Truss, were the most suitable people for the highest office in the land – are not the sharpest tools in the box. But 45 of them managed to vote for both the final candidates this time around, nullifying their ballots.

October 27: The Sun on Sunday reports that Gareth Southgate, the most successful manager of the England men’s football team since Alf Ramsey, has been cleared for a knighthood after a lengthy investigation into an arcane tax scheme.

October 29: Gavin Williamson is knighted after no concerns were raised about his being sacked as defence secretary for leaking, overseeing the Covid exams fiasco, telling a civil servant to “slit your throat” and “jump out of the window” or sending expletive-laden texts to the chief whip after not getting an invite to the late Queen’s funeral.

Finally, has anyone checked in on Charlotte Gill, the Telegraph’s wokefinder-in-chief? The journalist specialises in hunting out anything which might spark the W-word, most recently claiming taxpayers were funding a £200,000 study on the environmental impact of Star Wars.

Over on Twitter/X, however, she saves the stuff too batshit crazy for the even the increasingly unhinged Telegraph. Last week she posted a 61(!)-tweet threat uncovering a vast left-wing conspiracy theory involving environmentalist Dale Vince, Greenpeace, the National Trust, The Rest is Politics, cabbie’s favourite LBC and, er, Carol Vorderman.

“Carol Vorderman is not a spontaneous political activist,” wrote Gill. “She is part of a left wing network that all pushes out the same agenda. I’m still trying to work out who’s driving it. Global, Politics Joe, Byline Times, Good Law Project all part of the machine. You heard it here firsttt [sic].”

Yep, and almost certainly last. Nurse! The smelling salts!