Summer, Italy, and Angela Merkel inevitably remind me of that cringeworthy moment when paparazzi caught her changing her bathrobe. Back in 2006, to the profound indignation of Germans, the Sun published pics of our Bundeskanzlerin, pants down at her favourite holiday spot on the island of Ischia, under the headline “I’m Big in the Bumdestag”.
That was at the beginning of her 16 years in office. This summer, Italy and Merkel are in the news again, but for reasons related to the end of her political career, and not her derrière: The retired “Miss Merkel” now solves murder mysteries on Italian telly.
Public broadcaster Rai2 has just aired the first part of a German-made, Agatha Christie-inspired series depicting Merkel’s crime-solving adventures in the Uckermark region, north-east of Berlin, where she grew up. An advert for the Italian version went viral on social media.
The – need I mention? – fictional Miss Merkel crime-comedy stories are pretty straightforward: “Baking and hiking just aren’t as exciting as international financial meltdowns or refugee waves or deranged American presidents,” the show’s summary says.
In the series, Merkel is simply bored from relentless fan selfies after leaving politics, and discovers her investigative skills. She takes particular pleasure in getting up the grumpy local copper’s nose (he didn’t vote for her anyway), slips out of her casual blue retirement tracksuit and back into her colourful trademark blazers, accessorising with a Sherlocky tweed cape and a silk headscarf, Grace Kelly-style.
Her husband makes an occasional appearance, but Merkel’s endeavours are mostly aided by her hunky 24/7 bodyguard, Mike, often seen in his underwear (“Get dressed, will you?”), and her dog.
The novels by David Safier, which the TV mini-series is based on, feature a flatulent pug called Putin: an allusion to Mad Vlad, who found it amusing to let his black Labrador scurry around Merkel’s legs during a state visit, full-well knowing she suffered from Hunde-Angst since childhood.
After the attack on Ukraine, the author re-christened pug Putin to Pupsi (Farty), while on TV, her furry sidekick is called Helmut. Which is probably what the FT meant by “clunky German humour”, although the paper may also have been referring to the scene where Miss Merkel takes a pee behind a tree. At least we’re spared yet more pants-down imagery.
In the series, wide-eyed Merkel, portrayed by popular actor Katharina Thalbach, is true to her real self in her hands-on approach, her dry sense of humour and her mockery of fellow-CDU politicians. Unlike the former chancellor, though, Miss Merkel shows hints of self-criticism. With no signal on her mobile (a regular occurrence in Germany), she admits she should have put more money into digitisation.
The books – which have been published in Estonia, Denmark, the Netherlands and Spain, among other countries – are among the most successful German novels of recent years, while the films attracted an OK-ish TV audience of 2.3 to 3.1 million on independent broadcaster RTL, and mixed reviews from “pleasant entertainment” to “unspeakably vapid”.
In Italy, social media users appreciated the trailer as “magnificently bonkers”. Yet only around 600,000 viewers actually tuned in last Friday to see the dubbed Miss Merkel: Morte al Castello.
Which leaves only one relevant question: what does Mrs Merkel think of Miss Merkel? Sadly, her office “does not provide any information about the private reading behaviour of the former federal chancellor”. It is rumoured, though, that she has read the novels. That chimes with the retirement plans she shared in 2021: “Maybe I will try to read something, then my eyes will start to close because I’m tired, then I’ll take a little nap, and then we’ll see where I pop up.”
Currently, she pops up very little. In the first six months of 2024, her official calendar shows 10 appointments, including the funeral service for CDU legend Wolfgang Schäuble, a state banquet for French president Macron and a meeting with former European parliament president Roberta Metsola. Merkel making herself scarce is down to more than just wanting to leave politics behind: with her former chief of staff Beate Baumann, she is working on her memoirs – Freiheit (Freedom) – due to be published this autumn in German and English.
The good news for you Brits: once you’re done reading them you can move straight on to Old Street Publishing’s forthcoming translation of the books. The blurb says: “Forget Miss Marple, A Miss Merkel Mystery, Murder at the Castle, is out on November 26.”
