If “The Firm” offered financial incentives like other companies do, King Charles would be in for a bonus as employee of the month.
His mission, which he chose to accept, was to penetrate the German heartland and to please the natives. And, boy, did he please us. Ethan Hunt couldn’t have done better.
Admittedly, Charles’ and Queen Camilla’s 52-hour visit was hardly a mission impossible. Rarely was a host more willing to be pleased. You know about German Gründlichkeit (thoroughness with a pernickety coating), and we were very gründlich in wanting to be charmed.
This should, however, in no way lessen Charles’ dazzling debut of kinging abroad. I’m certain that Strictly judge Motsi Mabuse would have given him 10 out of 10 (the dancer, who first became famous on Germany’s version of the show, was invited to the Bundespräsident’s Berlin banquet in honour of the King’s visit).
So here’s my own royal award ceremony, explaining how Charles scored a point in every category:
■ Language: Charles, as he did when visiting the Bundestag as Prince of Wales in 2020, chose to flatter us in our own tongue. His speech in parliament lasted for 23 minutes 31 seconds, of which 14min 20 were delivered in impeccable German. Personally, I would have sacked the speechwriter who put in “Rechenschaftspflicht” (accountability) – but the King didn’t capitulate. Only the tabloid Bild noted that Charles could work on his pronunciation of the letter “z” (in German it’s a hard ts, not a soft s). But I’ve mentioned in earlier columns that German with an English accent is better than the original; it sounds more pleasant.
■ Wit: Both at the banquet and in parliament, Charles lived up to the positive cliche Germans have about the English sense of humour. There were frequent laughs and applause during his speeches, especially when Charles alluded to his own age, football wars, Berlin nightlife, the band Kraftwerk and Dinner for One (as you’ll know from reading TNE, that’s the English farce watched by nearly all Germans on New Year’s Eve).
■ Grandeur: In a vain attempt to counter the royal frenzy, politicians from the crumbling far left moaned that “a monarch” and not an elected politician had been invited to speak to parliament. One even called the monarchy a “dictatorship with more tinsel”. A non-starter. No one cared, but happily went on to host the UK’s head of state in the Bundestag – or to take group-selfies with CRIII in the background.
■ Aesthetics: After three years of pandemic leisurewear, Germans finally dropped their sweat pants, dusted their wardrobes and reintroduced some elegance into the public sphere. Danke, Charles.
■ Volksnähe (closeness to the people): You’re used to royals shaking hands all over Britain, patting babies’ heads and pulling pints. We aren’t. His mother was much respected in Germany. But Charles was more affable, chatting and smiling. “Der König der guten Laune” (The King of High Spirits), Bild wrote. Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung even compared him to Bill Clinton (whom crowds of Krauts adored).
■ Teamwork: The couple had a clever way of job-sharing. Queen Camilla took on the tricky task of tasting (honey, goat’s cheese), chewing and similarly smiling into the cameras, while Charles could chat about eco-farming.
■ Pünktlichkeit: With Charles and Camilla on board, the ICE from Berlin to Hamburg made it on time! This usually happens to only one out of three German trains, so Deutsche Bahn, too, should make Charles employee of the month.
■ Stance: Yes, yes, royals shouldn’t interfere in politics. But Germans are a) very green themselves and admire Charles as a “bio pioneer”. And b) there really is no harm at all in having your King tell us Germans – in German – that our efforts to support Ukraine militarily are “brave, important and welcome”. He said it with such grace that the far left and far right Putinistas in parliament looked visibly uncomfortable.
■ Subtlety: Although the King’s visit had a definite “don’t mention ze Brexit”-aura, you could feel and hear more than just a hint of pro-Europe: “Where goods flow, ideas also flow”.
■ Finally, point #10 goes to Charles simply for: Not visiting Paris first!
Judging from the British press (the Telegraph excluded) it seems to me that King Charles still has some work to do at home, image-wise. But he certainly is a great ambassador already – Germans have wholeheartedly adopted him.
As Charles said: A truly sustainable visit. Mission accomplished.
