As MPs head back to Westminster for the autumn term, for many, the parallels with their school days will be inescapable. From the named coat pegs to the sometimes inexplicable rules of behaviour and the dilapidated building itself, parliament has much in common with the UK’s older education establishments.
For a generation of MPs brought up on JK Rowling’s tales of Harry Potter at Hogwarts, an invitation to a game of Quidditch might not come as a complete surprise. The new intake had a brief post-election induction period, but it is only now that they will be able to begin settling into their new parliamentary life.
The majority of the 335 newbies are Labour MPs, most of whom will now see their role being to support the government even if, occasionally, they feel deeply uncomfortable doing so. Restricting the winter fuel allowance to only the poorest pensioners would not have been the policy of choice for most Labour MPs, and neither would maintaining the limit of two children for some benefits but, having just made it into government, Labour MPs are not about to rebel.
For the much-reduced Conservative parliamentary party, the struggle to come to terms with being the official opposition after 14 years in charge is an existential challenge for which it is ill-equipped. Of the 121 Tories now in parliament, only 26 are new recruits. The others carry much baggage.
Keeping this bunch in order would be a challenge for the strictest head, but the Tories have only the weakest supply teacher in that role, and he appears to have fully embraced the concept of working from home, in particular his home in the US.
Leadership elections have been far from rare for the Tories recently, but this latest one seems interminable. It is hard to divine any real differences between the six candidates because there is a distinct lack of real policies.
But while it would need some extraordinary circumstances to take the next leader anywhere near to Downing St, that individual will, nevertheless, be in a position to reshape the political landscape in the UK: he or she could enable the party to rehabilitate itself, or could preside over its death. On current form, the latter looks the more likely outcome.
Nigel Farage has completely spooked the Tories, but to try and ape him is pointless. There are supporters of the far right in the UK, but their numbers are limited and as the recent riots have demonstrated, it would be foolhardy in the extreme to try to add to them.
Many Reform voters were simply registering a protest vote, fed up with the Tories and mainstream politics generally. All they are hearing from Tories are futile arguments that they had left the economy in great shape.
Whatever the latest indices say, the evidence is so obviously to the contrary, from crumbling infrastructure and failing public services to shrunken real incomes and escalating child poverty. Unless the Tories rebuild a reputation for economic competence, they cannot begin to be taken seriously.
Yet the six who believe they could lead the party out of the wilderness show few signs of confronting this basic issue. They are far more comfortable talking tough on immigration (while ignoring the fact that immigrants are vital to the UK economy). Even Tom Tugendhat, the closest thing to a one-nation Tory in this contest, has declared himself prepared to ditch the European Convention on Human Rights.
That is typical of the mindset that seems to dominate among them: that they must be as Faragiste as the man himself. But as UK citizens prepare for yet more hassle and expense on their travel plans, with next year’s introduction of a visa-equivalent being required for travel to the EU, the Conservative parliamentary party and its would-be leaders do seem to have wholeheartedly embraced the Hogwarts’ school motto, “Draco dormiens nunquam titillandus”.
“Never tickle a sleeping dragon” may generally be wise advice but, in this case, the dragon is the EU and the opinion polls show that more friendly interaction with Brussels could definitely garner voter support.
