The war against tethered bottle caps

Britain may no longer have a seat at the table, but at least it is back in the room. With the King’s Speech done, Thursday’s European Political Community summit at Blenheim Palace offered a new government of adults its first chance to rebuild a grown-up partnership with Europe. It was a chance, Keir Starmer said, to “reset relationships, rediscover our common interest and renew the bonds of trust and friendship”.

Meanwhile, some on the right had more important things on their minds: plastic bottle caps. And specifically, a European Union directive dictating that, as of July 3, plastic drinks bottles sold in the EU must come with a screwcap that is tethered to the rest of the bottle.

This is, of course, an eminently sensible thing to do; a marginal gain in an era-defining battle to cut packaging waste, encourage more recycling and ultimately move towards net zero targets. Untethered screwcaps tend to get separated from bottles after use and often don’t make it into recycling bins at all; some that do are too light or small for recycling sorting equipment to handle and end up as landfill instead. Untethered caps and their sealing rings are also harmful to wildlife.

Alas, while considerable time and effort has been expended on helping the planet and its animals, no-one stopped to think about the hurt feelings of British loony libertarians who despise the EU and all its works. Since it makes no economic sense whatsoever for giant plastic bottle producers like Coca-Cola to run two different production lines – tethered and untethered – the new bottles have made their way into British shops, and the right aren’t happy about it.

“The EU has ruined plastic bottle caps,” wailed the Spectator, while the Daily Express has weighed in with “Brexit betrayal: EU forces Brits to endure ‘pettifogging’ new rule that is infuriating”.

Right wing comedian and podcaster Nick Dixon said the new caps were “absolutely disgusting… you have to rip them off or you keep them attached and they hit you in the face like a moron. They have ruined the design of the water bottle. It is anti-human and insane.”

And alt right cleric Calvin Robinson, last seen being sacked for being too extreme for even GB News, tweeted: “I just want to be able to take lids off my bottles, like the good old days before the nanny-state decided I could not be trusted to do so. Brexit was supposed to mean Brexit. We ended up with their awful lids anyway.”

And there we have the screwcap debate in a nutshell. For some on the right, no idea can be good – even if it is supported by business, even if it provably helps the environment – as long as it originated in Brussels

Never mind Starmer’s “reset, rediscover, renew”; what the Brexiteers want instead is to rekindle old animosity, regurgitate tired moans and continue their revolt against reason. Screwy, isn’t it?