The Saoirse Ronan moment won't change men. Men have to change themselves

This week I was interviewed on BBC News about Saoirse Ronan’s comments on Graham Norton’s chat show, which at the current count has stayed in the headlines for six days. I cannot name a case of a woman being killed by a man that this year that has made headlines for six days. In the UK, a woman is killed by a man every three days, but those women’s murders, especially ones that involve their partners, barely get a mention in the news.

If you have missed the Ronan moment, what happened was this. During a discussion about guest Eddie Redmayne’s training for The Day Of The Jackal, which included him being taught how to use a mobile phone as a weapon, another guest, Paul Mescal, wondered how someone would have time to take their phone out while being attacked.

Norton and a third guest, Denzel Washington, looked amused, before Ronan said: “That’s what girls have to think about all the time. Am I right, ladies?”

Obviously, I appreciate any effort to highlight the realities of male-perpetrated violence against women and I’m conscious that awareness is progress and moving the barometer. But, why has Ronan voicing women’s experiences become such a mic-drop moment?

How is it possible that half of the population are constantly taking precautions to keep themselves from being attacked or raped while the other half are oblivious? Ironically, to make her point, Saoirse Ronan had to interject between three male guests and a male host three times to be heard about women’s experiences.

On Good Morning Britain, Nick Ferrari said that the Ronan clip would have more impact than ad campaigns and school programs about misogyny and sexual assault. That was painful to hear after four years of trying to address and help fix the epidemic of violence against women.

Women cannot fix male violence against us. And the onus should be on men not to attack us, rather than our becoming better at defending ourselves.

Our mission for Reclaim These Streets, is that through education, legislation and community action we aim to make sure no woman has to “text when you get home”. Tackling the epidemic of male perpetrated violence against women is no small feat when misogyny is so baked in to our culture.

But we have worked with Shoutout UK to hold consent workshops for boys 10-12. We have campaigned for misogyny to be recognised as a hate crime and support the Centre for Women’s Justice and Operation Soteria on the route map for making prosecutions of sexual assault focus on the attackers, not the victims.

Men do not need to ‘help’ women to tackle gendered violence. If women could fix the violence against us, we would have done so a long time ago.

Men who were shocked by Saoirse Ronan’s remarks must ask their daughters and partners about what they do when they’re getting home alone and about the last time they were scared doing so. They must ask about the last time they had to extricate themselves from an uncomfortable exchange, scared that any display of offence or anger might set off the man who made the unwanted approach.

I wish we cared this much about women’s realities. I wish we listened to women who can tell countless stories about methods we use to keep ourselves safe and avoid violence. Even though we know that if someone wants to hurt us, we are very unlikely to stop an attack.

I no longer hold keys in between my knuckles, but if I am out late, it’s almost always down to my puppy needing to poo. Depending on where I am, I don’t tie the bag and hold it open-handed in case someone wants to bother me. The shock value of my throwing actual dog poo might buy me time to get away.

Believe me, I know that that sounds unhinged, but given the number of instances I have been groped, touched without consent and harassed, it makes me feel safer to have a plan.

I don’t go into my building’s bin storage at night because I worry someone could be there. I regularly pretend to be on the phone with a man if someone is getting too close to me.

These actions are muscle memory at this point, part of my daily routine and so regular that I don’t even remember to resent the constant precautions.

I hope Saoirse Ronan’s interjection opens dialogue. I hope it compels men to be more aware of women’s reality and their complicity by being woefully unaware because they are not the people at risk. I would love men to stop abusing, raping and killing us.

Is that too much to ask? Am I right, ladies?

Jamie Klingler is co-founder of Reclaim These Streets