Of all the shocking aspects of Partygate, the most surprising is that neither Sue Gray nor the Metropolitan Police have deemed the ABBA-themed party that took place in Downing St on November 13, 2020 worthy of investigation.
Why is this? What is it about the fact that the shindig had an ABBA motif that renders it beyond scrutiny? Was a decision made not to embarrass the veteran Swedish pop stars by tarring them with the Partygate brush just as they unleash their weird-assed replicants on the concert-going public?
In any event, I have, Spotify-like, prepared a playlist for No 10’s next ABBA night:
CHANCING KING
Friday night and the work is done
Close the curtains let’s have some fun
Cos it’s Friday night wine time
You’re in the mood for a laugh
You’ll even invite the staff.
Anybody knows this ain’t right
The rest of the country is locked down tight
But with a bit of loud music
Everything is fine
You’re in the mood for a dance
And you always get the chance.
‘Cos you are the Chancing King
Getting away
With everything
Chancing King
Feel no heat from your underlings, oh yeah.
You can dodge
You can skive
Like you’ve done all of your life
Ooh, break those rules
Drink and sing
You are the Chancing King.
WATERLOO
My my
At Waterloo there is an all-night offy
And I
Will send some minions with a suitcase
To stock up on booze
The party will start up again
When they bring it back to Number 10
Waterloo
Only one stop on the Jubilee line
Waterloo
Or jump in an Uber to save some time
Waterloo
Pick up a packet of crisps or two
Waterloo
Get three red three white and Prosecco too.
BLOODY NORA
You’ve been cheating at life since we don’t know when
And it’s very unlikely to come to an end
Look at you now, boozing on the job
We don’t know how you were ever allowed to be
Ruling us with impunity
(Just one look) at your face on TV
(One more look) at your stupidity, whoa.
Bloody Nora, there you go again
My, my, from mistake to mistake
Gordon Bennett, does it show again
That your life is just a piss take.
Yes, we’ve all felt dejected
Blue since you were elected
Why, why do the thickies love you so?
LAY SOME CASH ON ME
If you’re feeling kind I’m the first in line
Honey, I’m not free
Lay some cash on me
If you want to jump the queue
For a big fat deal
Do what Tory donors do
It’ll grease the wheels. If you want to be
Flogging loads of PPE
Of low quality
Lay some cash on me
Stuff it in an envelope
Anything you have
Hide it in a cubicle
In the downstairs lav.
Lay some cash on me
Lay some cash on me…
LOL
Where are those happy days
They seem so hard to find?
I was ahead in the polls Labour was far behind.
Whatever happened to the lead I used to have of late?
Surely you’re not upset Just about Partygate.
The left can’t thwart me
Long as you support me, LOL
So just vote for me
Worship and adore me LOL.
Now you’re gone
But I’ve learned you return before long
Now you’re gone
But I’ve learned you return before long
Though you’re gone
It’s a fact, you’ll be back before long.
MONEY MONEY MONEY
You work all night, you work all day to pay the bills you have to pay
That’s too bad
You should have played it smart like me and joined a wealthy family
Ain’t it sad
Now in my bank, obscene amounts
Of my houses, I’ve lost count
But peasants won’t leave me alone and all they ever do is moan…
Money, money, money
Man it’s funny
Here in Rishi’s world
Money, money, money
Milk and honey
Here in Rishi’s world
Aha
Don’t know what I would do
If I had any more money
Here in Rishi’s world.
THANK YOU FOR…
I’m nothing special, well no, let’s be honest, I am
I break all the rules and never end up in a jam
’Cos I have a talent, a natural gift
I get clean away with each scam, con and grift
I’m so unctuously smug
And I owe it to all of you mugs.
So I say…
Thank you for the ludicrous life I’m living
Thanks for all the votes you’re giving
Who can live without me? I ask in all honesty
Where would you be?
Still in the EU, for a start, now you’re free!
So I say thank you for the ludicrous
Life you give to me.
