Satire

It has been a gloomy week on the sunlit uplands of sovereign Britain, as the only export that appears to be booming post-Brexit is the glut of UK companies rushing to set up in the EU. The government’s botched trade deal has left firms with two options: Relocation or red tape and regulations that will […]

Jacob-Rees Mogg, Boris Johnson and Matt Gaetz are in the firing line as comedian Mitch Benn hands out another set of his weekly awards. MASSIVE BRASS ONES OF THE WEEK …were to be found clanking away beneath the oddly-cut pinstripes of Britain’s Best Christian, Jacob Rees Mogg.  He welcomed the dawn on Easter Sunday by, […]

The slow comeback of normal life is wonderful, it does tend to feel as hollow as a leftover Easter egg when also coming back rapidly is tension in Belfast and Derry. “It has been a gloomy week on the sunlit uplands of sovereign Britain,” is how this column starts every week, but how can that […]

Welcome to the 2021 Maskies! Yes folks, commemorating 12 months of lockdown, it’s the first – and oh please dear God ONLY – annual Maskies Awards, in which we celebrate those who’ve made the job of being a satirist just that little bit easier over the course of this last plague-ridden year.  THE ‘SNAP YOURSELF […]

It has been a gloomy week on the sunlit uplands of sovereign Britain, where trade and vaccine squabbles with the EU are threatening to overwhelm our nation’s jab euphoria. Exactly what might have made the Europeans so suspicious of the lie-telling, law-breaking, flag-hugging UK will remain a mystery, but while Boris Johnson and David Frost […]

Brexit minister David Frost gets it wrong about the causes of January’s huge drops in trade with the EU It has been a gloomy week on the sunlit uplands of sovereign Britain, where our first month of post-transition trading as a fully independent nation played out like a particularly tragic episode of Danny Dyer’s pachinko-styled BBC […]

Which minister’s mate charged the government £2.6million for the new No.10 Downing Street press briefing room, asks Mitch Benn as he hands out political awards to Boris Johnson and Priti Patel Hello and welcome to this, the first of my columns to be 100% compliant with the terms of the Police, Crime, Sentencing and Courts […]

Comedian Mitch Benn hands out his alternative awards of another week in politics… REPEAT OFFENDER OF THE WEEK Rishi Sunak, who followed up last week’s excruciating “I’m just a guy, standing in front of a country, commending my budget to the House” video with an equally bizarre sequel in which he was interviewed by a […]

Boris Johnson is famous for making babies. Now his Brexit is making babies unhappy. It has been a gloomy week on the sunlit uplands of sovereign Britain, where Boris Johnson dismisses the unfolding post-Brexit trade fiasco as mere “teething problems”, Michael Gove talks of “issues which I would not describe as teething problems” and manufacturers […]

MITCH BENN with his weekly look back at some of the highlights and lowlights of recent days… BLAME-DODGE OF THE WEEK So at last we know whose fault the spectacular and ongoing implosion of Brexit is. And it’s a bit of a jaw-dropper.  So who is to blame? The prime minister? The previous prime minister(s)? […]

Steve Anglesey brings you your weekly check on how Project Fear is becoming Project Reality. It has been a gloomy week on the sunlit uplands of sovereign Britain, where the government accused the EU of being selfish over shellfish. Environment secretary George Eustice started the tussles by claiming Brussels was flexing its muscles on mussels, […]

MITCH BENN starts his weekly look back at some of the highlights and lowlights of recent days… UNFATHOMABLE STRATEGY OF THE WEEK The trouble with an inscrutable and mysterious strategy is that to the untrained eye, it’s indistinguishable from an entirely non-existent one. What is Sir Keir Starmer’s plan as leader of the opposition? Does it […]

Brexit latest… Your weekly check on how Project Fear is becoming Project Reality. It has been another gloomy week on the sunlit uplands of sovereign Britain, as a senior minister accused the EU of seeking “petty revenge” – and then hinted that the government might ban imports of European mineral water and seed potatoes. The grandstanding […]

It is an attractive idea, but flawed, says MITCH BENN. You may remember that a couple of weeks ago I suggested that when one is considering whether a given project has ‘worked’, one should bear in mind that its ostensible objective (ie. what the public are told it’s supposed to achieve) and its actual objective (ie. […]

Steve Anglesey brings you your weekly check on how Project Fear is becoming Project Reality. It has been a gloomy week on the sunlit uplands of sovereign Britain, with Brexit red tape causing trade to take a Monty Python turn. There are empty shelves in some smaller UK cheese shops, with Michael Harte of importer […]

MITCH BENN gives a pro-European take on why he’s keeping the Union flags in his Twitter handle. Those of you who follow me on Twitter may have noticed that I have two little flag emojis appended to my Twitter handle: the EU flag and the Union flag. I hope you’ll forgive my observation of the […]

Your weekly check on how Project Fear is becoming Project Reality, selected by Steve Anglesey.  It has been a gloomy week on the sunlit uplands of sovereign Britain as Michael Gove’s war on experts appeared to have been extended to exports. The Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster, in charge of ensuring smooth trade after […]

We now live in the age of belief, says MITCH BENN, where conviction trumps everything. I’m under very few illusions as to how much influence I bring to bear on events. I can trot out wry observations and snarky comments (sometimes with a tune), so as to (hopefully) amuse the readers of this esteemed publication, […]

MITCH BENN on how Remainers are now accused of revelling in the adverse impacts of Brexit. There’s always an element of ‘preaching to the choir’ when it comes to print journalism in this country; pretty much every newspaper on the stands has, to varying degrees, a political standpoint of which its readers are aware and, presumably, endorse. So […]

If Brexit really was about winding up ‘Radio 4 types’ like MITCH BENN, there were easier ways to go about it. The more the effects of Brexit make themselves felt, the harder it gets to understand what the point of it was in the first place. During what for want of a more descriptive term […]

Trump’s refusal to accept the end of his presidency was predicted by Mitch Benn in 2017… because he had seen it foretold in Game of Thrones.  Here’s the thing: I’m not an expert. On anything. I know a fair bit about a fair few things, but the capacity to store and retrieve biggish reserves of […]

Britpop, I imagine most of you are old enough to remember, was a loosely applied umbrella tern referring to the movement of varyingly retro British guitar bands which rose to dominate the UK pop charts in the mid 1990s. I was in my mid 20s at the time – pretty much the same age as […]

Remember the lessons of 2016… A new year doesn’t mean everything will be better. Over the last few weeks, as I’ve read and heard many people express an entirely understandable longing to be rid of 2020, I’ve been reminded of the eerily similar outpouring of relief and/or hope which issued forth four years ago. 2016, […]

Keep your spirits high with The New European‘s alternative Christmas songs, specially penned for the season by columnist Mitch Benn BREXIT WONDERLAND Shop bells ring, no-one’s listening On the shelves, things are missing A worrying sight, we’re hungry tonight Starving in a Brexit Wonderland Gone away is the old deal Here to stay is the […]

MITCH BENN on the annual controversy over Fairytale of New York. One of my favourite things about the Christmas season is the way that new Yuletide traditions are always evolving and emerging to take their place alongside the more ‘time-honoured’ ones. A recent addition to the canon of Christmas customs is the online game Whamageddon; as […]

So as I type this it’s the morning of December 1, and I’ve just done something I always do on this day each year; put my earphones in, hit up the Christmas songs playlist for the first time and hit ‘shuffle’. I think I’ve mentioned before that I operate a strict embargo system where Christmas […]

MITCH BENN on the delights and the dangers of indulging in nostalgia. One of the few industries to derive any sort of benefit from this flaming bin fire of a year has been podcasting: with swathes of the global population being confined indoors for much of the last few months (and with leisure options having […]

What the world craves now is some slightly more ‘precedented’ politics, says MITCH BENN. I don’t know about you, but I could really use some boredom right now. It’s pretty exhausting living in ‘unprecedented’ times, isn’t it? Every day something else unprecedented befalls us, whether it’s an unprecedented pandemic, an unprecedented level of chaos in the response […]

MITCH BENN on why he would almost be as bad as Boris Johnson. There’s a very useful expression which succinctly encapsulates the difference between the concepts of knowledge and wisdom. As is sometimes the case with such modern aphorisms, I’ve heard a few different versions of it, and I’m not sure with whom the phrase […]

Mitch Benn says Joe Biden’s altruism beats Donald Trump’s cynicism. I do realise that I’ve been talking about America a lot just recently (and that this paper is called The New European) but I feel I should cast at least a nervous nod across the pond this week as this will be the last column […]

I read that Dame Julie Walters, having recently turned 70 and survived a brush with cancer, has said that she’s considering retiring from acting, although she might be tempted back to do Mamma Mia 3 if it happens. What’s perhaps interesting about this announcement is the fact that it’s considered newsworthy at all… A woman […]

Like many of you, I’ve made some new discoveries over the course of this virus-beset year. I read, both on social and ‘regular’ media, of people finding new hobbies, new TV shows to box-binge, new podcasts to follow, new books to read. I myself have stumbled upon something rather wonderful, something I perhaps didn’t realise […]