PMQS: Shock and disbelief in the House of Commons

There is a special move in Prime Minister’s Questions, and it’s called the case study. This is where a member of the opposition humanises the impact of a government’s policies by presenting the case of a real person, who may or may not exist, and their tale of woe.

Like all special moves, it should not be used too often – Jeremy Corbyn’s dispatches from the real world quickly began to resemble a particularly bleak episode of Our Tune minus the Love Theme from Romeo and Juliet – but, when executed well, can wrongfoot a prime minister.

To demonstrate the impact of the rise in national insurers, Kemi Badenoch told the story of Kelly, whose backstory was not even padded out enough to grant her a hometown. Kelly, Badenoch said, had run an after-school club business “in her borough” supporting 500 children and families for more than 20 years.

“In 2024, her national insurance cost was about £10,000; in April, that will rise to £26,000 – that is a 150% increase in costs from the Budget alone,” said Badenoch. “If Kelly’s small business goes under, what is the prime minister’s message to her and the 500 families it supports?”

And Starmer responded with a response so un-human that, were one to squint at his grey hair, it may have been 2017-era Theresa May at the despatch box.

“I would say this to Kelly: we inherited a very badly damaged economy and a £22 billion black hole, and we were not prepared to continue with the fiction,” he said.

“I would say to Kelly that we are fixing the mess that we were left and are investing in the future of our country. I would also say to her that the leader of the opposition, in week two, wants all the benefits from the Budget but has no way of saying how she will pay for them – the same old mistake over and over again.”

It is unclear how Kelly would have responded to this, other than perhaps to politely note that Starmer’s response didn’t do anything to remedy her immediate predicament, possibly in two words, the second of which would be “off”. Perhaps it’s for the best that she’s probably not real.

And that was Badenoch’s best moment in an otherwise scattershot second performance at PMQs. She’s still learning: on one question, she spoke before she stood up so her first words were missed by the Commons microphone. She trips over words: she said Starmer had, on his Cop trip to Azerbaijan, “unilaterally made commitments that will make life more experience for everyone back home” (the Hansard stenographers saved her blushes by changing it to “more expensive”).

She also needs to listen more: she criticised Starmer for not putting an amount on how much the government was giving councils to deal with the pressures of adult social care, when he had done so approximately three minutes earlier in an answer to Lib Dem MP Christine Jardine. “I just said £600 million, and I repeat it: £600 million,” said Starmer.

And finally, she walks into traps. Starmer wants to portray the Conservatives as being unprepared to make hard choices. So when he says Labour “is investing in our NHS, investing in our schools so every child can go as far as their talent will take them and investing in the houses of the future. If she is against those things, she should say so,” Badenoch probably needs a better answer than “I am not against any of those things”. Early days, then.

Elsewhere, Ed Davey actually managed to ask a question about literally the most important thing happening in the world at the moment when he noted Donald Trump’s son had posted a meme online suggesting US support for Ukraine might soon be ending. “I have been speaking with other leaders about how we put Ukraine in the best and strongest possible position at this time,” said Starmer in words which must have really stiffened President Zelensky’s sinews.

The pointless planted questions from Labour backbenchers continue. Jacob Collier (Burton and Uttoxeter) rose to basically ask if Starmer would go for a pint with him. Collier does not look old enough to go for a pint.

Finally, the lesser spotted Nigel Farage had a question on the order paper. He asked if Starmer would “congratulate Donald Trump on his landslide victory”, something which he could have actually witnessed Starmer doing the previous week, had he been in Parliament and not on another jolly in the States.

“I am glad to see the honourable member making a rare appearance back here in Britain,” said Starmer. “He has spent so much time in America recently that I was half expecting to see him in the immigration statistics when we see the next batch.”

And then the whole House laughed, Farage included. Starmer looked amazed. He had made an actual good joke and it had landed! It was like watching a puppy realise they’d just pulled open an ajar door for the first time.