PMQs Review: Sunak struggles in the shadow of Kemi

Badenoch, with her fawning Times pieces, “Evil Plotters” WhatsApps groups and nods and winks to the lunatic fringe could not be advertising her naked leadership bid more should she place a 12m-long neon sign with ‘leadership bid here’ and a giant arrow pointing down towards her space on the Commons’ green benches. But Sunak, the ingénue, can’t spot it.

But Sunak is just about savvy enough to know that, in politics, the independent inquiry buys one at least a semi-firewall against difficult questions, such as Keir Starmer posed him over Badenoch’s latest antics around the Post Office. Given that the time between the inquiry taking place – ‘We must wait for the inquiry to report’ – and the final report being sent – ‘The inquiry has reported, lessons have been learned and it’s time to move on’ – is essentially the click of an email, it’s an essential tool in a PM’s armoury.

Hence today, as Starmer reprised the sober, lawyerly leader of the opposition role he adopted initially, before employing a Christmas cracker employee as a gag writer. Would the prime minister be prepared personally to repeat Badenoch’s allegation on Monday that the former chair of the Post Office was lying when he said he was told to go slow on paying compensation to postmasters?

Badenoch had, said Sunak, set out her reasons for firing him, but… “we established Sir Wyn Williams’ inquiry”. Starmer said a 2016 investigation into whether Post Office accounts could be altered was stopped before it was completed. Had Sunak asked his now foreign secretary, prime minister at the time, why? No, but “this government has established a statutory inquiry, led by Sir Wyn Williams which is uncovering exactly what went wrong and it is right that the inquiry is allowed to do its work.” Translation: I’ll be in San Diego when it reports, matey boy. And on it went.

The biggest cheer of the day from the Tory benches, however, came for the sight of Andrew Rosindell, MP for Romford, hardline Brexiteer and a man who had not set foot in Parliament for two years following a lengthy suspension while he was investigated over alleged historic sex offences (detectives concluded there was insufficient evidence to refer to the Crown Prosecution Service). What followed was, for those unfortunate enough to have followed Rosindell’s career, a greatest hits set.

“I’ve had the privilege of spending a lot of time with the law-abiding, tax-paying, hard-working, patriotic people of Romford in recent months and they’ve been telling me what they think,” he said.

“So I’d like to ask the prime minister if he agrees with the people of Romford that we need a radical plan to control immigration and stop illegal immigration, that we need to regain sovereignty over our human rights laws in this country, that we need to tell the mayor of London that we need more police to stop crime in the London Borough of Havering, we need a fair funding settlement for Havering, so will he come with me to Romford Market, follow the footsteps of Margaret Thatcher and meet the people of Romford, because the one thing I can tell him they don’t want is to be taken back into the European Union by a socialist government!”

Sunak looked delighted. “Can I welcome my honourable friend back to his place, can I say I agree with everything he said and I look forward to visiting him and his Romford constituents at the earliest possible opportunity!”.

I take it back. He thinks these people are his friends. He is, after all, absolutely terrible at politics.