PMQs Review: Goodbye Oliver Dowden… we’ve forgotten you already

The deputies were in charge because Keir Starmer was on a 28-hour flight just to get some peace and quiet. And, as Dowden pointed out, it would be his and Rayner’s last bout, as by the next time Starmer fancies a rest, a new Conservative leader, with presumably a new deputy, will be in place (Robert Jenrick has announced his will be James Cleverly, whether he likes it or not, while Kemi Badenoch plans to appoint the ghost of the late Mary Whitehouse).

Rayner began by gently ribbing her predecessor. “Today’s our first exchange, Mr Speaker, since he pushed for a July general election,” she said, as Dowden rolled his eyes. “And if his own side haven’t offered him a peerage, I certainly would have!” Even the Tories laughed – at least the ones still in the chamber, if not the ones who weren’t there largely due to Dowden’s kamikaze counsel.

Early exchanges focused on Labour’s widely-trailed, if not yet formally announced, plans to increase employer National Insurance contributions in next week’s Budget. Dowden asked what the definition of “working people” – who Labour’s manifesto said it would not increase taxes on – was. Rayner said it was “the people who the Tory Party have failed for the past 14 years”. 

Dowden pressed again, and again, but as Rayner was unable to address a policy currently residing only in the head of the woman sat next to her, she resorted to just answering questions completely unrelated to the ones she was being asked instead. She is particularly adept at this.

(Incidentally, while Rayner was flanked by Rachel Reeves and Bridget Phillipson and two of the three ministers behind her were flanked, Dowden was surrounded by a five-man ‘donut’, something Jenrick in particular would do well to address were he elected).

Eventually, Dowden gave up and started playing nice. “As this is our last exchange across the dispatch box, I’d like to turn to somebody I hope we can all agree is a hard-working person – His Majesty The King,” he said. “Will she join me in sending him best wishes ahead of the Commonwealth summit in Samoa? In particular, will she confirm that this government recognises the unique role played by the Commonwealth, and will she commit to deepening this relationship, so that under His Majesty’s leadership we build upon possibly the greatest legacy of the late Queen?”

As questioning goes, “Isn’t the King splendid?” is at the lighter end.

“I will miss our exchanges,” smiled Rayner to general awwws and big laughs from Dowden and Jeremy Hunt (conversely, shadow leader of the House Chris Philp, to Dowden’s left, looked like he might leap across the aisle and strangle her). “The battle of the gingers!” she went on. “The late nights voting!”

Dowden pointed out that the Commonwealth “was brought together by historical and cultural ties – indeed, much like the pair of us”, indicating to Rayner. Rayner made a heart sign with her hands. “I will resist, Mr Speaker, the temptation to replicate that,” guffawed Dowden. It’s a Commonwealth summit miracle! Love across the aisles! Except that when it came to her final answer, with Dowden unable to respond, Rayner suddenly let rip.

“While the architect of the 2024 Tory general election campaign gives his victory lap before retiring with the hereditary peers that he fought so hard to protect, he leaves behind a Tory Party in utter denial, heads in the sand, refusing to accept their rejection by the British public!” she yelled. “Their plan for Britain, Mr Speaker, includes scrapping the minimum wage, cutting maternity pay and tax breaks for the big oil companies!”. 

In terms of brutal televised rejections, it was up there with Dirty Den and his divorce papers on Christmas Day 1986. Poor Oliver!

Elsewhere, the SNP’s Stephen Flynn, “in today’s spirit of cross-party working”, asked if Rayner would “join me in applauding the brave Labour staff members who’ve travelled across the Atlantic to campaign against Donald Trump”.

To that, however, the deputy prime minister was not biting. In what sounded like a suspiciously pre-prepared and read-aloud statement, she responded that “people in their own time often go and campaign… it happens in all political parties”.

The general love-in, it seemed, did not extend to provoking the man who most members of the chamber hold in contempt but in all likelihood Rayner’s boss will soon have to work with.