The so long Boris songbook

HOUSE OF THE RISING SCUM

There is a house in Downing Street
They call it Number Ten
And it’s been the ruin of many a career
And doubtless will again
Before me came Teresa
She couldn’t get Brexit done
And so the people turned to me
Their favourite blonde haired son I very soon adapted
To prime ministerial life
And I claimed that house in Downing Street
After a change of wife
But very soon a virus
Upon our land did drop
But in that house in Downing Street
The parties did not stop
The peasants were revolting
When they learned of our fun
And now my friends have turfed me out
From the House of the Rising Scum

SYMPATHY FOR THE PRIME MINISTER

Please allow me to introduce myself
I’m a man of dreadful taste
You’ve seen me let so many career
Opportunities go to waste I was fired for writing fibs
But it never slowed me down
I presented Have I Got News
Let you all think I was a clown
Pleased to meet you
You all know my name
But what’s puzzling you
Is how I always win the game
Stuck around in London Town
Cos the suckers made me mayor
And when it soon went up in flames
I stayed away from there
Pleased to meet you
Though you’re sick of me
And what’s confusing you
Is my seeming impunity
Just as every cop is a criminal
Since Cressida’s been in charge
As night is day just call me Boris J
‘Cos you know I’m still at large
So if you meet me have some courtesy
Have some sympathy, have some tact
Use all your well-learned etiquette
‘Cos one day I will be back
Pleased to meet you
Please don’t throw a fit
Though what’s puzzling you
Is how I get away with it

BOJOHEMIAN RHAPSODY

Is this the real news?
Is this just fantasy?
I won a landside,
Now they want to get rid of me
Maybe I’ll choose,
To watch GB News and see,
I’m such a posh boy, they will stick up for me
Because I’m easy come, harder go,
Ego high, ethics low,
As long as I am alright nothing really matters to me
To me

Papa, I hired a man,
When he’s had a drink he starts
Grabbing everybody’s parts
Papa, I had just begun,
To enjoy myself and now it’s gone away
Papa, oooh,
Now everyone’s resigned
I’ll pretend I have as well, but then tomorrow,
Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters
Too late, my time has come,
Will this wallpaper come down
Before the moving vans come round
Goodbye, everybody, I’ve got to go,
Gotta leave you all behind and face the plebs
Papa, oooh
Don’t want to get a job
Perhaps there’s someone you could have a word with?
I see a cost of living economic crash,
Scary stuff, Scary stuff, where did all of our gas go?
Cooking heat and lighting, tripling in pricing now
Gas n’leccy Gas n’leccy
Gas n’leccy Gas n’leccy
Gas n’leccy watch them go
Ballistic-o-o-o
I’m such a posh boy everyone loves me
He is such a posh boy from a posh family,
He’ll get away with each monstrosity

Easy come, harder go,
I don’t want to go Booze spiller! No, you really have to go
(Make him go!) Seat filler! You really have to go
(Make him go!) Hope killer! You really have to go
(Make him go) Really have to go
(Make him go)(Better) Better bloody go
(Make him go) (Better) bloody go (make him go)
Ah No, no, no, no, no, no, no
Oh Twittersphere, Twittersphere,
Twittersphere, make him go
My private Club has a table put aside for me, for me,
For meeeeeee

So you think you can throw me right under the bus
So you think you’ll replace me with
Liz bloody Truss
Oh, peasants, can’t do this to me, peasants,
Don’t wanna get out, don’t wanna get right outta here

No one ever mattered,
Anyone could see,
No one ever mattered,
No one ever mattered
But me
(Prob’ly get a book deal…)