Greetings fae Embra! I write to you from my leaky Edinburgh garret (a snip at just four and a half grand for the month) wherein I am lodged for the whole of August in order to serve yet another weary tour of duty.
While I’m here, let’s take a look at some of the other delights on offer, in Weakened Politics’ Guide to the Edinburgh fringe!
BORIS JOHNSON is BORIS JOHNSON in BORIS JOHNSON: THE COMEBACK SPECIAL
If you had thought, in your adorably naive way, that you’d seen the last of TV’s lovable straw-haired rascal, then think again. For anyone else, being forced to resign in disgrace might mean you’d seen the back of them, but not ol’ Boris!
Not when there’s still money to be made, fun to be had and women to extract sexual favours from on the vague promise of career advancement!
8 pm, The Entitlement Rooms. 18+ only
Running from August 3 until he’s literally dragged kicking and screaming from the building
LEO LAWRENCE in UNCANCELLED!!!
Gaze in awe at the self-styled Most Fearless Man in Comedy as he takes aim at the wokeflakes, snow-wringers and politically correct joy-stabbers in order to take some smug, self-satisfied opponents (like women, asylum seekers and trans people) down a peg or two and prove once and for all that NOBODY silences him, despite no attempt ever having been made to silence him at any stage ever!
As seen on Live at the Apollo, Mock the Week, Have I Got News for You, The Jeremy Vine Show, Whatever That Thing on GB News Is Called Assuming It’s Even Still Going and Loose Women.
10 pm, The Edgy Lounge
RISHI SUNAK in WHAT IS IT GOING TO TAKE?
Just a year ago, Dishy Rishi had everything going for him; then he borrowed a normal person’s car for a photo opportunity, waved his debit card at a barcode scanner while attempting to pay for petrol, and it’s all been downhill from there.
Join him for an hour of increasingly hilarious campaign pledges, including such favourites as “Let’s open brainwashing camps for anyone who doesn’t like us”, “The poor have had it too easy for too long, let’s take their money away” and “What part of ‘I’m a Bloody Billionaire’ do you people not understand”, as he makes his last desperate attempt to get the Conservative party membership to forget that he’s, you know, a bit “foreign”.
7 pm, The Last Chance Saloon
LIZ TRUSS in IMPROVISED PRIME MINISTER
An hour of hilarious, unscripted governing by the PM in waiting; working without a script, notes, any preparation or any prior knowledge of what she’s doing or what the hell she’s talking about, Liz Truss will prove once again that she’s the all-time champion at making it all up as she goes along, with frequently uproarious (or indeed catastrophic) consequences. Come on down, laugh, shout out suggestions and ask yourself once again just how on earth it’s come to this.
5 pm, The Empty Vessel
JAMES O’BRIEN in I BLOODY TOLD YOU SO
Because he did. Yes, he did. Oh my god, did he ever. SO many times. Over and over he told you so. But did you listen? Did you? DID you? Did you heck. Well, don’t come running to him. You had your chance, and you blew it. Go on, naff off and listen to Iain Dale. You disgust him.
Guests include: Rory Stewart, Dominic Grieve, Cassandra.
9 pm, The Hindsight Lounge
TOM TUGENDHAT in THE OTHER ONE
The one you’ve already forgotten about from the Conservative party leadership contest tells the fascinating tale of how he went from being the sensible, measured, reasonable, one-nation candidate to an enthusiastic supporter of Liz Truss in the space of two weeks. You’ll hardly believe a word of it!
8.30pm, The U-Turn Rooms
THE END OF THE WORLD CABARET
Let’s face it, if it isn’t going to be a new Covid variant or monkeypox, it’ll be climate collapse, economic meltdown, global famine or Vladimir Putin’s latest midlife crisis, but one bloody way or another we’re all SCREWED, so come on down, get a skinful and sing rude songs while we all run out the clock. What do you say?
12 midnight, The Crack of Doom
MITCH BENN in IT’S ABOUT TIME
Join the former Radio 4 satirical songster as he grossly abuses his privileges as the author of this column to plug his current Edinburgh show and subsequent national tour!
4 pm, Underbelly Bristo Square
(Think I got away with that)
POEM OF THE WEEK
Every winter if it snows
We hear their sneering, and it goes:
“I thought the world was heating up!
Where’s your global warming now?”
To hear their wisdom we desire
Now half the country is on fire
But all those jeering voices have
Gone very very quiet somehow…
