This newspaper last week asked: “What if Keir Starmer is actually quite good?” If his dining options are anything to go by – the rubric used in this column, for better or worse – such a musing can only be followed with: “I think he probably is”.
You might scoff at the notion that food is an appropriate lens through which to assess political discretion. Actually, it is a crystal clear one, despite past misuse. For decades we have been obsessing over what politicians eat. They love to appear as the rest of us, chowing down on Byron burgers (one of the worst brands on the high street), or snapping selfies in Nando’s, which I’m afraid to say has become passé.
I first wrote about the subject a decade ago, around the time Ed Miliband was papped eating a bacon sandwich while looking like a deranged kestrel. In an attempt to appear less chaotic than his counterpart, David Cameron decided to enjoy a hot dog with a knife and fork. The future Lord Cameron’s side salad included pre-cubed feta. Says it all, really.
Fast-forward to 2019 and Jeremy Corbyn leaned into his vegetarianism with indelicate tedium: he strolled into Archway Kebab in North London and ordered falafels. A decent slinger, but not as good as Archway Kebab Centre just around the corner. Boris Johnson just carried on with appropriate punctilio, meandering from one linen tablecloth to the next.
We arrive at the here and now and I cannot help but deliberate as to the optics of salmon. Starmer prepared the fish à la tandoori on Sunday Brunch the other week, pre-snap election call. It is his favourite dish.
If food plays any role ahead of July 4, curry is crucial. Never mind the fact we should all be swerving salmon on account of its sustainability – we eat far too much of it in Britain – it is, I think, the perfect dish.
First, salmon is accessible, aspirational, high-end but in supermarkets, and Starmer doubles down by having it spiced and cooked in a tandoor. He likes it best from an Indian restaurant in Glasgow together with dal, a plain naan and pilau rice, and pairs it with a zesty pinot grigio because that’s a favourite of his wife.
And we all know Starmer loves a beer or two. So far, so ideal. Pudding? Baked lemon cheesecake. Far too claggy for me but comfortably in the top five desserts enjoyed by the British public, according to recent polling.
Back in London, Starmer plays an equal game. He favours Drummond Street near Euston, a historic back road replete with dosa shops and curry houses, a grocer’s filled with just about every spice imaginable (to most of us, anyway), and a place called Raavi Kebab, which Starmer is unlikely to venture into, being pescatarian, but which serves top-tier Punjabi specialities.
Pitch all this against Rishi Sunak and it is incomparable. The prime minister just doesn’t get it. He is known to be a fan of Chutney Mary in St James’s, one of London’s wealthiest postcodes.
The fact is, it is one of London’s best Indian restaurants, but a lamb curry costs £36. As delicious as the dish is, most of the country would lose their shit at such a price.
One of Sunak’s keenest blunders happened in June last year when he told ITV’s Rochelle Humes and Andi Peters that he likes to get the breakfast wrap. Presumably this fell under the “man of the people” guise. The dish, though now recently returned (government conspiracy?) had then been off-menu for the best part of three years.
Less metaphorical is Sunak’s propensity towards sugar. In 2022, he talked about skipping breakfast entirely, or else having Greek yoghurt with blueberries, and later a mid-morning cinnamon bun, pain au chocolat or chocolate chip muffin. Fine, but hardly election-winning food. More a corporate spread at an 8am meeting in the City.
This won’t be a long and arduous election trail. But it will happen during the throes of Euro 2024 and curry and pint-pulling is surely to feature. I loathe seeing any politician, left or right, pose for photo ops in pubs or sit down with a meal that supposedly invokes sentiments of being not atop society, but within it.
Still, if the political food lens is switched on, Starmer is something of a masterchef; Sunak, meanwhile, is in a kitchen nightmare.
