Like a bad smell, Farage is back

It seems that as a man of destiny and honour, Nigel Farage cannot refuse a call to arms. The Daily Mirror is reporting that he has decided to return to frontline politics and will stand for Reform at the next general election.

Yes, the old war horse has heard the sound of the bugle once again. His nostrils flare in anticipation. His old, tired eyes are still clear enough to see the country’s destiny.

Although a man of no personal ambition or even ego himself, if called upon to serve this great nation, his party, his people. He will, no matter how reluctantly or how distasteful the job, he feels obliged to lead, sorry I mean serve.

We all know how hard this must be for Mr Farage. Like Cincinnatus, he wants nothing more than to avoid the limelight, spend his well-earned rest in quiet obscurity pottering around his garden, sharing the few years left to him with his many multicultural friends and his family.

But then the country is in peril. Our borders are not secure, an invasion of foreigners in small boats is flooding and corrupting the country. Even true believers have been abandoned and ignored, treated no better than a supermarket lettuce. Worst of all, hard-won bloody victories, victories against all the odds, victories against those who would make Britannia a slave state again, have been betrayed.

Who, if not Nigel, will stand up against the woke mob, the literati, the blob, who will resolutely once again don their armour, take up their trusty sword and shield and return to the fray, just one more time? Who will speak for England?

That is definitely the motivation for Nigel Farage’s return to frontline politics. Or perhaps that I’m A Celebrity… cheque didn’t stretch quite as far as hoped. Who knows?

Maybe it is just that the preening, egotistical, tweed-wearing, Trump-loving buffoon wants back in the political limelight because that is what he feeds off.

It also might just place the great man in the position to be a Tory kingmaker and let’s be frank there is nothing more that Nigel likes than being kingmaker, the eminence grise, the power behind the throne. Not for him the responsibility of power, but instead he is the puppet master, pulling strings, making others dance to his tune.

And the Conservative Party seems to rather like the idea of being controlled, manipulated and even punished and humiliated by Nigel.

Unlike certain Tory backbenchers who tire of being gimps, the party as a whole cannot get enough of it. Many even seem to want Farage to stand against them at the election, humiliate them thoroughly and then when he has punished them enough, come round for a nice cup of tea – and maybe join the party while he’s at it.

So, it seems Nigel does have a role to play in the forthcoming general election. He has not done quite enough damage to the country he proclaims to love, he has not heaped enough humiliation on us all. He has more to give.