Finally, after more than a week in camp, ITV producers have found something Nigel Farage is actually good at: drinking. This is the man who coined the term PFL (“proper fucking lunch”, one at which a third bottle of wine is opened), who routinely briefed journalists over a pint of Old Scrote in the Westminster Arms. Your correspondent once spent an evening in the company of Farage and can confirm he has hollow legs.
Farage’s uncanny ability to pour huge amounts of liquid down his cakehole came in a trial called Down Your Sorrows in which the former Ukip leader competed against Tony Bellow, a former boxer so cartoonishly Scouse he may have strolled in from the set of 1980s sitcom Bread. “I suspect this may be rather different to my normal tipple!,” joshed Farage, adding, entirely unnecessarily, “I like a pint.” (“It’s like he’s happy,” Bellow shook his head, apparently unable to comprehend Farage’s prime thirst is for screen time.)
The pair necked blended pig’s nose, sheep brain, crocodile feet (downed in one by Farage with a theatrical “same again please”), cockroaches, cow’s anus (“a bit soupy”), bull’s penis, goat testicles, vomit fruit, fermented duck egg and snails. “I love snails,” said Farage, which is suspiciously European-sounding.
The successful sipping saw the pair win meals for all the campmates that night. A triumph for Farage! And almost praiseworthy, if you can park the fact the whole thing is a deeply cynical attempt to reintegrate himself into the national conversation ahead of the collapse of the Conservative Party at the next general election. And as it’s 2023, that is, apparently, best done via the medium of drinking blended crocodile feet in front of someone from Hollyoaks.
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