How can you tell when Gullis is lying? His lips move

For the second time in as many weeks, Gullis indulged in a lengthy soliloquy masquerading as a question delivered without hesitation, repetition or deviation. But even by Gullis’ levels of dissembling this one was a doozy.

“We can see the Rwanda deterrent is working and we have now deported our first illegal migrants…”

FACT-CHECK: No, we have not. One solitary failed asylum seeker has gone to Rwanda under a voluntary removals programme entirely unrelated to the government’s much-vaunted forced returns scheme, and one the asylum seeker was paid £3,000 for.

“…but unsurprisingly Labour just don’t care – the shadow home secretary’s busy posing for pictures encouraging more boats to come over…”

FACT-CHECK: No, she has not. Yvette Cooper has not been posing for pictures encouraging more boats to come over, as that would be a very weird thing to do. In fact, she wrote just last week in noted revolutionary journal the Daily Telegraph that “we need urgent action to stop this perilous criminal trade and to strengthen Britain’s borders”.

“…the leader of the Labour Party said he would cancel the Rwanda flights, he took a knee when signing letters stopping us deporting foreign nationals committing crimes like murder and rape…”

FACT-CHECK: This is difficult to fact-check, as it is entirely unclear what Gullis is talking about. Keir Starmer did pose for photographs while taking a knee back in 2020, at the height of the Black Lives Matter protests, but he did not appear to be simultaneously signing any letters. It would be a logistically tricky thing to pull off – sure, you can use a clipboard, but even then there’s a balance issue with the signature in danger of veering off the page. Also, it seems unlikely that he was writing letters preventing foreign criminals being deported, as this is not a power traditionally assigned to leaders of the opposition.

“…and he’d do a deal with the EU surrendering our borders to 100,000 illegal migrants!”.

FACT-CHECK: Starmer has mooted a deal with the EU to return some new arrivals to mainland Europe while allowing others to enter Britain, but described the 100,000 figure as “garbage”. The UK would be unlikely to join an EU quota system as – and even Gullis, who quite possibly only opens a newspaper for the Fred Basset cartoon, might have spotted this – it is not in the EU.

So that’s four lies in one speech, delivered with all the skill of the Chuckle Brothers performing open heart surgery, and with similarly grim results.

We dwell on Gullis because the main event was a damp squib. Presumably, some polling has told Starmer that Rishi Sunak’s proposed axing of National Insurance at an estimated cost of £46 billion – a policy which literally nobody thinks will happen – is causing consternation on the doorstep, as he focused on it for the second time in three weeks. But it failed to land and we were left with a fairly forgettable back-and-forth which needs no dwelling on.

Instead, we shall end with a question from Sir Bill Wiggin, a shires Tory known as Bungalow Bill by colleagues (because there’s not much up top).

“My right honourable friend’s decision to cancel HS2 led to £207 million for Herefordshire’s potholes and transport infrastructure,” he intoned gravely.

“Hereford Hospital has a new ward, more beds and a new diagnostic centre on the way. £35 million has been allocated to the River Wye recovery plan. Inflation is down, the Rwanda bill has been passed and defence spending is increasing.

“Does my right honourable friend agree with me that if he carries on like this he’s going to win the next election?”.

The Tory benches roared. Many punched the air. And then, over the weekend, they will send their letters of no confidence to the chairman of the 1922 committee.