How Boris Johnson pushed the Brexit irony meter into overdrive

As the world’s foremost recorder of all things Ironic, Alanis Morissette has definitely picked the right time to come to Brexit Britain. The Canadian singer recently announced dates in Belfast, Cardiff, Glasgow and Lancashire, doubtless drawn to the UK by the noise of irony meters exploding all across the country.

Isn’t it ironic, don’t you think, that Boris Johnson’s appalling book Unleashed went on sale late in continental Europe because shipments were delayed by red tape that didn’t exist before we left the EU? A staffer at Waterstones’ central Brussels branch certainly thought so, telling Politico: “It didn’t arrive and it’s because of Brexit. It’s ironic.”

After disappointing first-week numbers (42,000 sold versus 92,000 for Tony Blair’s autobiography) and a 63% second-week slump in sales, Rupert Murdoch’s HarperCollins publishers now stand to lose hundreds of thousands on the book, which is nice.

And isn’t it ironic, don’t you think, that the state-of-the-art fishing trawler Kirkella – exactly the sort of craft that was supposed to thrive under new fishing arrangements touted by Leavers as a benefit of leaving the EU – is now standing idle in its Hull port because of Brexit? The Yorkshire Post certainly thought so, explaining that badly negotiated fishing quotas mean that Kirkella is allowed to catch far fewer fish than when Britain was in the EU.

“At a time when the prime minister is pulling out all the stops to promote a new wave of inward investment in the British economy, it is no small irony that the country’s last remaining distant waters trawler is tied up in port, unable to work for reasons entirely within our politicians’ own control,” the YP wrote.

And isn’t it a little too ironic that red-faced, blue-blooded Reform MP Rupert Lowe should be positioning himself as the farmers’ friend, telling a Commons committee that “desperation is spreading across British agriculture”, and tweeting: “Unless drastic action is taken to properly support British farmers, a catastrophic decline is inevitable… the country will collapse, rapidly”?

Those familiar with the effect of Brexit on farming will certainly think so, given that Lowe is a former Brexit Party MEP and thus must be held partly responsible for the tragedy that has befallen British farming since we left the EU – smaller subsidies, fewer seasonal workers, undercutting because of bad trade deals with competitors and more trade barriers. In a checklist of demands read to the committee in his trademark aggressive monotone, Lowe even had the brass bullocks to say the government must “slash red tape”. Isn’t that ironic, don’t you think, given that it was Lowe and chums who wrapped farming up in it in the first place?

Yes, Brexit really is like a black fly in your Chardonnay – an average bottle of which is now between £1.37 and £3.50 more expensive than it used to be because of Brexit red tape.

Alanis Morrisette also told us that life has a funny way of sneaking up on you. Which brings us to a scenario sketched out by Ros Taylor in the New European this week, which could provide a silver lining from the huge orange cloud looming before us.

It plays out like this: A Donald Trump victory in November’s presidential election forces Europe to unite, creating a backlash against Trump’s fawning supporters like Nigel Farage and perhaps even tempting Britain into closer integration with the EU, thus foiling the destructive work of the likes of Lowe and Johnson. Now, wouldn’t all that be ironic?