Welcome to the land of failing upwards

Over 100 years after the glitz and outlandish luxury of the Roaring Twenties in the United States, we’re giving the American dream a run for its money. Welcome to Britain, the land where anything is possible – if you have the right friends. Welcome to the land of failing upwards.

Gavin Williamson, former education secretary, has been given a knighthood, Downing Street has said. At a time when the country, and parliament, are crying out for the government to be stripping Russian oligarchs who prop up the Putin regime of their assets with harsher sanctions, it was instead decided that it was time to award a former member of the cabinet this gallantry.

A statement from Number 10 said: “The Queen has been pleased to approve that the honour of Knighthood be conferred upon The Rt. Hon. Gavin Williamson CBE MP.” Behind closed doors, I can’t help but think our sovereign is experiencing some other emotions currently rather than joy over Williamson’s recent accolade.

To give credit where credit is due, it’s an achievement to take pride in. He’s proved that there can be no ceiling to your accomplishments in the British political system if you make enough blunders.

Williamson was sacked by Boris Johnson during his September 2021 cabinet reshuffle. The MP for South Staffordshire was education secretary for the majority of the pandemic where he came under heavy criticism for cancelling A-levels and GCSEs two years in a row and for closing schools. Most objections were rooted in the constant U-turns in education policy that often left Williamson navigating his department round in circles rather than towards any form of progress.

Shortly before he lost this role, he found himself in hot water after confusing Manchester United player and free school meals campaigner Marcus Rashford with England rugby star Maro Itoje. Williamson told The Evening Standard that he had spoken with Rashford over Zoom when, in actual fact, it was Itoje he had spoken with. Williamson defended himself by saying that after a long and wide-ranging interview he conflated the issues and made a “genuine mistake”.

The gaffe only gets worse when considering that Rashford’s campaign of free school meals for low-income children was very much under the remit of the education secretary. In response, Manchester mayor Andy Burnham said he really didn’t know where to start. Quite.

Williamson was first elected in 2010 and served as David Cameron’s parliamentary private secretary in 2013. Before landing a role in Johnson’s government he was then Theresa May’s chief whip in 2016 and 2017. Some opt for a family photo in their office, others, if you’re Joy Morrissey, display a picture of the Queen. Williamson kept his pet tarantula Cronus, named after the King of the Titans who wreaked havoc and left devastation wherever he went, in his office. He was then made defence secretary.

In 2018, he came under fire for dining with Lubov Chernukhin, the ex-wife of a former minister to Vladimir Putin for the promise of a £30,000 donation to the Conservative Party. The Electoral Commission’s latest numbers have now revealed that Chernukhin donated another £80,250 to the party in the last quarter of 2021.

A year later Williamson lost this defence role after a leak from the National Security Council. Although, he has always denied leaking information on Huawei’s possible involvement in the UK’s 5G network.

It’s quite a track record which, somewhat impressively, equates to a knighthood. It’s certainly one for the books. Or is it?

As the Taliban took over Afghanistan last summer, the then foreign secretary Dominic Raab avidly denied going paddleboarding at the time. Even if he wanted to he couldn’t as “the sea was actually closed”. A month later in the reshuffle, he was moved to justice secretary while also being given the promotion of deputy prime minister because, in Britain, failure is rewarded with career advancement and further advantage.

As of yet, the only individual to resign as a result of Partygate, discounting the aides who fled the prime minister’s sinking ship, is Allegra Stratton. This is not to excuse the video where the former press secretary is sniggering at the lockdown rules nor to say her career will suffer greatly for it (Stratton is married to James Forsyth, political editor of The Spectator), but while the men blunder their way to the top the one to lose their job was a woman.

Number 10 have not confirmed when Williamson will receive his knighthood. Perhaps there has been a realisation that there are a few more pressing issues at hand, such as Putin’s invasion of Ukraine.

When the time does come, the former education secretary will be called to come before the Queen on bended knee with his head bowed – arise, Sir Gavin Williamson, jack of all trades, master of failing upwards.