Farage gets embroiled in burnt rice row

King Alfred infamously burnt the cakes. Will the next King of the Jungle have burnt the rice?

We ask because the highlight of last night’s I’m A Celebrity – and yes, this is a sign of how this increasingly tedious series is petering out – was a row between Nigel Farage and Sam Thompson over who was responsible for burning some rice.

Farage, now the suspiciously European-sounding sous-chef to gurning Made in Chelsea irritant Thompson’s head, put some rice on and left it to reduce slowly, leaving it to the latter to watch over. Thompson, essentially a dimmer real-life Father Dougal, duly fell asleep, waking only to ask, “Why does it smell like it’s burning?”.

And thus began the lowest-stakes blame game in the history of prime-time TV. Farage blamed Thompson, Thompson feigned ignorance. “He’s now busy convincing everyone that it tastes like burnt popcorn,” fumed the former Ukip leader.

But the camp came down largely on Thompson’s side. “This is just like Brexit, the shit hit the fan and Nigel got off,” said philosopher-boxer Tony Bellew. “Basically, the ship was well and truly sinking and Farage jumped right off the emergency boat and left the captain aboard.” Eastenders actress Danielle Harold – who would later be the next contestant voted off – concurred. “Politics all over, isn’t it?”.

Farage did redeem himself later, though, as he proved a dab hand with a knife and a rubber-lipped fish. “Well, I am a fish man,” he boasted. “I go fishing a lot, I cook fish a lot, I smoke fish, so yes, I was very pleased to see a pair of rubber-lipped fish arrive this evening.”

“One thing Nigel Farage knows how to do is gut a fish,” said TV presenter Josie Gibson, road-testing what may be the next Conservative Party leader’s 2029 general election slogan. Bellew drew analogies with a former Tory chief. “Nigel, it seems like you’ve pulled off a David Cameron here really well,” he said. “You’ve come back to save the day.” Farage’s plan, of course, is to do that for real next year.