Farage finally utters those magic words (no, not 'I'm sorry')

Finally, Nigel Farage has uttered those magical words! No, not “I’m sorry”, or “It has become apparent I have utterly poisoned political discourse in the United Kingdom for a generation and I am now withdrawing entirely from public life”, but “I’m a celebrity – get me out of here!”

The iconic phrase came as Farage competed alongside Tony from Hollyoaks in an aquatic Bushtucker Trial titled In Too Deep. Both are politicians of note – Farage serving 21 years as an MEP, Tony last year being elected to Hollyoaks Village Council – but it was the latter who had the staying power as Farage showed his commitment to Leave in all its forms.

The pair were expected to unscrew stars from inside a water-filled tank packed with the likes of mud crabs, water pythons and eels (the third of which one would have thought Farage, as a proper proud Brit, would have grasped and served up with a hearty plate of mash). But, while Tony from Hollyoaks managed to grab all six of his stars, Farage continually passed before uttering the show’s famous phrase and being unlocked from his lair by the onlooking Australian guards.

Having secured such a triumph, Farage decided this was the time to argue again about cultural appropriation with a 26-year-old woman.

“What I was saying is, if I’m filmed saying the ‘wata’, ‘I’m gonna get hell ‘cause I’m gonna get accused of cultural appropriation,” said Farage to YouTuber Nella Rose, explaining the problems which might be caused by a 59-year-old white former Dulwich College schoolboy inexplicably choosing to employ Jamaican patois. Warming to his theme, he then started banging on about Mexican outfits at fancy dress parties again before explaining it might be an age thing. “How is this an age thing?” asked Rose.

“Cultural appropriation didn’t exist 30 years ago,” said Farage. “Wasn’t even a concept. No-one talked about it. Hey – Prince Harry went to a fancy dress party dressed in a Nazi uniform. What was he, 15, 16? [He was 20 and at the Royal Military Academy Sandhurst]. Now, he got a lot of stick for it, but it did lead to quite a bit of debate…”

“‘Cause it was wrong,” said Rose, before adding: “I don’t like talking to you, Nigel.” Speak for England, Nella!