THE BREX FACTOR: This week’s worst Brexiteers

‘Delighted to note the appointment of John Bolton as President Trump’s new National Security Advisor. Sound man,’ tweeted the sleepy former UKIP MEP.

Can any keen-eyed readers spot what mustachioed, bespectacled extremist Roger could possibly see in mustachioed, bespectacled extremist Bolton?

DAVID DAVIS

The Brexit secretary has ‘threatened to resign if Britain’s fishermen are not handed control of their waters again from 2012’, according to reports. But let’s hold on before starting up a LeAnn Rimes-style chorus of ‘How do I liiiiive without you?’

Last November DD was said to be threatening to resign over a letter sent to Theresa May by Boris Johnson and Michael Gove. And a month later he was going to quit if Damian Green was sacked over allegations about pornographic images on his work computer. Neither happened.

We’re guessing he’s not going to resign this time either. Pass the sickbucket.

PETER BONE

The Sven Goran Eriksson lookalike MP for Wellingborough told the Commons the French will ‘rise up’ and demand Frexit once they get a glimpse of the new blue British passports, which are being made in France.

Bone said: ‘When the French people see this symbol of freedom and independence… they will rise up and want to leave the EU.’

Once famous for updating MPs on the Brexity thoughts of his wife Jenny, Bone no longer does so since he formed a close friendship with a married physiotherapist 20 years his junior. Perhaps Jenny rose up and left.

JACOB REES-MOGG

The Victorian Undertaker told the Express that failing to cut all ties with the EU after Brexit would be ‘a national humiliation based on lies’.

Can any readers think of another national humiliation based on lies which might have occurred in the last couple of years?

LIVERPOOL ‘KIPPERS

The local party’s Twitter account has gone rogue, talking of ‘putting the boot up the backside’ of beggars and asking ‘why just stop at empowering Women, race, gays etc? Why not ugly people? Gingers? The obese?’

It’s also called the Picton area of the city a ‘sh**thole’ – a strange campaigning tactic given that UKIP came second in the ward in the 2014 council elections and the seat is again up for grabs on May 3!

ISABEL OAKESHOTT

The close chum of Lord Ashcroft and Arron Banks delivered a desperate, swivel-eyed performance on the BBC’s Marr show, accusing the Observer’s Carole Cadwalladr of ‘chasing unicorns’ with her Cambridge Analytica revelations and demanding that she now launch an ‘investigation of Remain referendum spending’.

As Oakeshott well knows, the Electoral Commission has already rejected Priti Patel’s claims of overspending by Britain Stronger in Europe. If she’s not satisfied, maybe right-wing political journalist Oakeshott could think of a right-wing political journalist who might want to take up the fight.

Word of caution: If Oakeshott fancies the task, she’s going to need more evidence than she produced for her pig-gate story, which she’s since admitted came from a single ‘slightly deranged’ source, adding ‘there is no need for burden of proof on a colourful anecdote’.

BORIS JOHNSON

The foreign secretary called Cadwalladr’s story ‘utterly ludicrous’. Just a reminder that in 2004 Johnson described talk that he had had an affair with Petronella Wyatt as ‘balderdash… an inverted pyramid of piffle’ before being sacked as shadow arts minister when it was discovered that he had been lying.

And let’s not even start about the bus…

GERARD BATTEN

UKIP’s acting leader has accepted that the Leave campaign was based on misinformation. He told a meeting in Gloucester that during the referendum ‘nobody on our side lied – there were just a few facts and figures that were a bit wrong’.

A master of contradiction, Batten added that Britain’s strategy for negotiating a trade deal with the EU should have been ‘we’re not going to ask you, we’re going to tell you – and we’re going to do that in the spirit of friendship and co-operation’.

NEIL HAMILTON

UKIP’s brainy leader in the Welsh Assembly accused children of being childish during a radio segment about what kids think of Brexit.

Hamilton moaned that the group of 10- and 11-year-olds had not featured any teeny Brexiteers, railing against the ‘childish responses of the children’ and claiming reporter Tomos Morgan had ‘failed to question any of the patently childish answers given to him’.

Yet another example of the old saying, ‘kids and disgraced former ministers who lose their seats after a cash for questions inquiry do say the funniest things’.

LEE HURST

Having languished in relative obscurity since leaving a popular comedy sports quiz in 1998, Hurst has resurfaced as a vocal Brexiteer on Twitter, writing: ‘Remoaners really are the most pathetic bunch of loser, whinging c8*ts. If you were stuck in a lift with them you’d open your poxy wrists. They do not f**king stop. STFU FFS. You are anti democratic tw*ts. You have no morals. FO.’

Altogether, then: ‘They think his career’s all over… it is now!’