Badenoch’s hypocrisy is exposed at PMQs

At prime minister’s questions today, Keir Starmer wanted to talk about immigration. Kemi Badenoch, who spent much of the summer talking about immigration as she ran for the Tory leadership, didn’t want to talk about immigration. She wanted to talk about Louise Haigh.

But Starmer, who has just given £300,000 – less than the weekly salary of some Premier League forwards – to Iraq to train in border security, was determined that he was going to talk about immigration. So, as so often is the case with these things, it was fortuitous that a new, keen and highly biddable Labour MP was able to tee him up with an incredibly helpful question.

“I welcome the swift and decisive action this government are taking to secure our borders after the Conservatives lost control,” said Olivia Bailey, newly-elected MP for Reading West and Mid Berkshire and a woman whose Wikipedia entry has a rather glaring gap between “graduating in 2008” and “being elected to Parliament in 2024”.

“Does the prime minister agree that international co-operation, shared intelligence and joint law enforcement are the best way to end the vile smuggling trade?”.

In terms of toughies it was hardly the Schleswig-Holstein question and Starmer was able to confirm that, yes, he did agree with that, and, actually, who’d have thought it, he’d just signed a “landmark” deal with Iraq to do exactly that.

Badenoch, however, had other things on her mind. “The question today is what has been on the lips of all Labour MPs, including, I believe, the health secretary yesterday,” she said. That question? The resignation of a cabinet minister most people had never heard of and whose departure was completely overshadowed by Parliament debating whether it should be legal to help Granny shuffle off this mortal coil.

“The prime minister knowingly appointed a convicted fraudster to be his transport secretary,” said Badenoch, giving her best mock indignation stare about a 20-something woman finding a phone she thought had been nicked in a drawer. “What was he thinking?”.

“The previous transport secretary was right to resign when further information came forward,” said Starmer. “What a marked contrast to the behaviour of the last 14 years.”

And while this was true what with the whole ‘Operation Save Big Dog’ to protect a prime minister who presided over parties while the rest of the country was being fined for flying kites, said PM ordering colleagues to “form a square around the Prittster” when the then home secretary, now shadow foreign secretary, was found to have bullied underlings and trying to change the actual rules of Parliament to save a former cabinet minister caught lobbying government on behalf of two firms paying him, it wasn’t good enough for Badenoch.

“He owes the House an explanation!” she fumed. “He says that the former transport secretary was asked to resign only after further information came to light. What was that further information?”

“I am not going to disclose private conversation,” said Starmer. “Further information came to light, and the transport secretary resigned. What a marked contrast. While the right honourable lady is obsessing with Westminster issues, we are getting on with fixing the mess and fixing the foundations, with that £22 billion black hole, our prisons bursting and, as we found out last week, net migration of nearly one million because of the Tory open borders policy.” Ding! That’s pretty much a full house of Starmer stock responses!

And on it went. “I am not asking about migration; I am asking about the former transport secretary,” said Badenoch. “I advise her not to talk about the economy or immigration for another five years,” hit back Starmer.

“He can try to change the topic as much as he likes, but the public are watching,” said Badenoch (which is not true – Bargain Hunt was on at the time). “He owes them an explanation. The country needs conviction politicians, not politicians with convictions.” That was the zinger, and Badenoch allowed herself the faintest of smiles at how clever she was.

“I gently remind the right honourable lady that two of her predecessors had convictions for breaking the Covid rules,” said Starmer, to the approval of his backbenchers. Now, we don’t want to get pernickety here, but Boris Johnson and Rishi Sunak received fixed penalty notices for their breaches of lockdown regulations, which aren’t technically convictions. It’s the reason you can’t be turned away from America for dog fouling. One could be forgiven for not knowing that, if you hadn’t spent your entire political career talking about your previous profession.

Elsewhere Liberal Democrat leader Ed Davey rolled back the years and asked about proportional representation, something younger readers may not recall was once all Lib Dem leaders asked about ever. “Proportional representation is not our policy and we will not be making time for it,” sniffed Starmer. “I will just gently say to the right honourable gentleman that he did not do too badly under the system as it is.”

Finally, and speaking of Davey, another MP rose to ask a question which was basically a plug for the fact she was releasing a Christmas record.

“Today it is question three but, who knows, next week I could be number one in the charts, as the first MP this year to bring out a Christmas single,” said Carolyn Harris, purple-haired Labour MP for Neath and Swansea East. “Like our song says, ‘There’s a reason for the season and everyone deserves a Christmas’.”

When did all this nonsense start? Did Reginald Maudling take time away from the chamber in a bid to climb the festive hit parade? Did Sir Stafford Cripps eye the Christmas Day Top of the Pops? Either way, it needs to stop now.